Saturday, May 08, 2004

Dynamics of human relationship

If you are devoted Catholic, one day, you run into pope, he gives you a personal bless with mentioning of your name. You will achieve the greatest joy and feel pope is the most loving person in whole world.

In another scenario, a homeless guy on the street, or a humble janitor at your work, gives you a personal bless. You might not achieve the same kind of joy as you get from Pope. Such lowly person has to make extra effort to impress you.

Above stories reflect our biased mind which give different value to different people who perform the same task. Such bias will be reflected in our job hiring, personal relationship, wage difference. Equality has long way to go against our human nature (or precisely animal nature). Such nature is totally against our humanitarian value and intellectual thinking. We might not be immured from such bias. But we might minimize such unfairness by promoting decent morale value, civilized law, intellecutal thinking and ethic education.

In term of personal relationship, people often deny such biased behavior but it is very much so true. For example, if your ideal mate is at least 180 cm, you come cross such 180 cm individual and get romantically involved. Such ideal physic will make every thing else easier because 180 cm person self is gift for you. You will greatly appreciate whatever person did for you right and minimize 180 cm persons fault. Now the love is blind to this person's other defect. The relation becomes much easier. However, if a person is only 160 cm, in normal circumstance, you would never date such individual. However such 160 cm individual possess extraordinary quality otherwise, you might be willing give 160 cm individual an exception with condition attached. The attached condition might be higher demand of personal devotion, achievement, and other extra positive factors to compensate this persons imperfection at height. Such relationship might put extra strain on the less ideal individual. However, the question is about what is ideal. Ideal for one person might be imperfection for other. If you happen to consider 160 cm height is perfect for your mate, this 160 cm person will be like dream coming true for you.

People will put different emphasis on different qualities of person in relationship. Such qualities include height, education, ethnicity's, culture background, wealth or personal achievement, physical beauties, etc. To some, the required quality is not negotiable such as ethnicity or education. Others might be willing to comprise one quality in order to achieve other qualities which carry more important to their believes. However, some qualities are changeable like wealth, education, personal achievement, weight, certain habit; while others are not, like height, racial background, certain physical features.

To achieve happy relationship is to achieve maximum desirable traits. Without compromising too much your own criteria, you should look for the individuals who consider your unchangeable features or qualities as desirable. The relationship with the person who admire your unchangeable features is much easier and happier. You really don't have to make too much effort to make your mate very happy because you are `gift of God' to your mate already. Just like Pope giving personal bless to a Catholic devotee, you are like Pope to your mate. Less work, easier time, higher achievement, happier relationship.

If your unchangeable qualities are less than ideal to your mate, you really have to make extra- and extra- effort to compensate for your `defect'. Be well prepared to face tough time.

Who dares to chanllenge conventional view or genius could become anothergenius.